Its not over till I breathe my last gasp of air

Monday, May 30, 2005

Its over

I think i understand now...........................
There is simply no chance for me
No situation has ever been more hopeless
No fault of mine,no fault of yours
Just a guy who thought he knew love at last
But had his heart broken
No hate,no anger for myself or for anybody
No sadness,just a feeling of emptiness
None the less life has to go on
Regret....that's the thing haunting me now
Mistake of judgement.....letting my heart rule my head
Other people will come along
I hope i will love 1 of them as much as i loved you
Because the next time i feel such love for someone,
may be never............
I am a better person because i loved you
Changing all my bad and evil ways
Erasing all that was unpure and imperfect in me
Because i knew you deserved no one but the best person
I wanted to be that person......
Forgive me if i've done anything to hurt you,to make you cry
It was all unintentional and i had no knowledge of it whatsoever
I will always be there for you no matter what........
Don't give up on YOUR dream...........
Every dream is special,but your dream is the most special to me
Because if you achieve your dream,you'll be happy
And Thats All I Ever Want..........
(The time i'm posting this is significant---its the exact time i first told you i loved you)

You'll always be in my heart.............

Indeed i should have given up from the start.........
Every start has its end..............
And this end is.......now.............

wings tear my body apart at [2:53 PM]

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Friday, May 27, 2005

Yesterday was a okay school day,had stats tutorial at 8,didn't do the stats hmwrk.....yaya i know,reminds u of me in secondary school rite? haha,anyway had POM tutorial straight after that,ended at 11,went to mcs to eat,i didn't eat actually,no appetite................but after that went to library with my bastard brothers,let sean copy hmwrk,was supposed to study there but ended up sleeping,saw Jun Rui there,met her at the hallway of the library,smiled at her,dun think she smiled back,just walked past me,then went to eat(again!),my brothers all bottomless pit,can eat and eat and eat and eat and nvr get full and nvr get fat(lex) though shawn is prone to vomitting at times............while eating my brothers keep on bastard me about wan yi..........somehow up till now i don't really know how this rumour came about............no basis of truth at all la,we just good friends and classmates who happen to live in woodlands and happen to be frequently late for classes,thats all..........she got boyfriend and all my love & heart has been given to jun rui already(though she may have torn my heart up and thrown it in the streets...i dunno,my heart no longer with me),so as i said there's no basis of truth to the rumour,guess my brothers just desperate to find things to bastard me about la(but you guys must learn that you can't beat a pro)............anyway at 2 went for econs lecture,damn complicated,not really sure i understood fully,then went for the econs tutorial,as usual talked cock sing song in that tutorial,but still learnt things,thats why i think econs my fave tutorial,very relaxed atmosphere,can "shoot"mr ho,he also can "shoot" you back,then also he got this habit of letting us go early,yet u learn still.......what could be better than that eh? This current tutorial also quite funny,the khairul keep on joking about the "drain" and lanyard,mr ho keep on talking about the champions league(want to record the final),then we keep on joke about him able to watch the repeat on tv mobile.....lolz.......also gave out the Halls extra strong sweet to the people sitting near me,gave to wan yi who was sitting beside me.......mistake.....it was too hot for her then suddenly in an incident that will haunt me in my nightmares for quite some time,she took my hand while i wasn't alert and spit out the sweet into my hand..............ya,i know what u r thinking(eeeehhhh rite?),so had to get tissue from lex and wrap the spit out sweet and had to hold it in my hands for about half the lesson......my brothers especially happy la,got 1 extra thing to bastard me about........lolz,but actually its quite a funny incident la,shocking but funny,have to be there to actually understand the suddeness of the incident,lolz.........then after econ tutorial walked to the mrt with lex,shawn,jek yew,wan yi and syam,was walking at quite a fast pace but then suddenly a certain girl wearing pink named jun rui and her friend walked past us.....they were walking at a faster pace then us,could see she just wanted to avoid me,ll my friends were bastarding me during that moment,lex was coughing loudly and fakely,jek yew and shawn was laughing,syam was asking me about her and wan yi wanted to see how jun rui looked like so she rush past us to try catch up with jun rui(the bloody shawn kept on talking about a cat fight),anyway actually wanted to talk to jun rui but when i walk towards her at the mrt station she walk furthur away from me still somehow managing to pretend not to notice me......wat a skill.....lolz!,hahax............Ate dinner at cwp with wan yi and lex,ate the hotplate tofu,same as lex,not bad but i've eaten better,the drinks cost a bomb,must nvr buy drinks frm there again,buy from the value$ shop better.........went home after that,slept a bit,played computer,chated with sunita on msn then go to sleep lorx......hahaxx............

Then today=normal day,nothing special.............woke up at 7am to jog,met wan yi at the coffeeshop at blk 892,then jog round the woodlands neighbourhood............tiring but satisfying,because i can gradually feel my stamina increasing......anyway after that went to eat breakfast,then go home bathe and sleep.........woke up around 2+.......did some studying,played dota,studied somemore,watched the simpsons,ate my dinner,studied a bit more,went to sleep(again),just woke up,and now blogging lar........normal day rite? haha.......nt really very inspired to go out lar.........hahax

forever thinking of jun rui..........but still not taking things in life seriously.......as lex said,i have a sort of "bo chap" attitude.......hahax............

love her lots........

wings tear my body apart at [10:28 PM]

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Thursday, May 26, 2005

Y r u avoiding me???? Afraid of me???? Shy???? Don't deny avoiding me.....its obvious.........hahahahax..........................................i'm slightly sad but hey if not seeing me,not talking to me is what u really want,then so be it......ur happiness is all that matters to me now.....if this makes u happier,then i'll start avoiding you too,...........heh heh.........after all i'm happiest when u smile:D

i'm no longer taking things seriously,what will come will come,what will happen will happen

wings tear my body apart at [9:29 PM]

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Hanging by a moment

Just listened to a lifehouse song called hanging by a moment and the lyrics kind of related to me......here's some part of the lyrics

I'm falling even more in love with you,
Letting go of all I've held on to,
I'm standing here until you make me move,
I'm hanging by a moment here with you,
I'm living for the only thing I know,
I'm running and not quite sure where to go,
And I don't know what I'm diving into,
Just hanging by a moment here with you
There's nothing else to lose, there's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world, that can change my mind
There is nothing else....................

Hmmx.......dats all for this post

wings tear my body apart at [7:41 PM]

bored to damnation............i'm in a lesson now,and the only lesson that can bore me to oblivion is Internet and Web Technologies..........,somemore didn't really sleep early nor did i sleep well last night..........haix........so the best thing to do now would be to blog lah. Wow,i'm yawning like nobody's business here........BORING................the paradise of sleep,this lesson can single handedly cure insomnia.......
Anyways i've been wanting to finally put down all my feelings,all that i've felt........hmmx,where to begin.........well,first and foremost,for the past year,i've loved the sweetest cutest greatest person in my world,Jun Rui, and i have never stopped loving her and no matter how HARD i tried(you have no idea how hard i tried),i just couldn't get her out of my head or my heart........But somehow,i dunno why,the feeling is not mutual........one sided love sucks big time,really sucks........its one of the worst feeling in the world,to deeply love someone who does not love you and instead has feelings for someone else.......many times i felt like giving up,many times i've tried,but i never succeded in erasing my love for her....its too deeply rooted. But a girl doesn't love a guy just because he loves her deeply or treat her nice or buy her soft toys,i'm not that dumb as to believe that. But what i really want to know is.....why? why doesn't she give me a chance? why does she like every other guy except me? what is it with me? My looks? My character? MY GOD.....i'm so confused why???? I hate the feeling of being inferior to others.....i don't believe i'll lose out to any of the guys she likes........so what is the problem? Will there ever be a chance for me?..........i don't know.............. If no,then i'll feel damn stupid,damn foolish because i would have been living a fantasy all this while and rejecting reality........breaking up with Stacy because i couldn't stop loving Jun Rui,that MAY be one of the stupidest things i ever done.....but still i choose to believe in my fantasy.........People have asked me to give up, i know i should give up,but still..........its just not in my nature to give up so easily,especially not in my love for her which i truly believe in. I have tried everything,seriously almost everything,including turning to the ultimate evil,to ease my pain,to ease my heartache..... but nothing ever worked.......instead all my anger,all my dissapointment,all my fear,all my hate increased 10fold and made me a different person,a person seeking for power......but that's not who i really am,who i am is just a guy wanting a good life with Jun Rui,spending time together with her everyday,seeing her smile,seeing her happy,seeing her laugh,it fills my heart.......that's all i want,to be with her,i'm not asking for much am i? I'm not asking to be a king,not asking for lots of money,not asking for any materialistic things,just her love,that's all i'm asking for........haiz.......oh well,anyway class finally ended so ya,i'll end here then.........

wings tear my body apart at [8:32 AM]

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Saturday, May 21, 2005

The Keys to Your Heart
You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.
In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.
You'd like to your lover to think you are flexible and ready for anything!
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.
Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.
Your risk of cheating is low. Even if you're tempted, you'd try hard not to do it.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

wings tear my body apart at [9:31 PM]

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Friday, May 20, 2005

A new Beginning

Thought things through,life's going back to normal,i've managed to overcome everything.......for now..........a new chapter in my life is beginning........

wings tear my body apart at [9:46 PM]

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Click on the nails to navigate

What is the truth
What is reality
What can't be removed
Is that part of humanity
See death in those eyes
As the flame dies
Then suddenly arise
Lingering on forever.....