Its not over till I breathe my last gasp of air

Monday, February 27, 2006

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you..

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.

13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

14. REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

Interesting i find it........and true........
Well,will be going off chalet now........
au revoir everyone! =D

J'attends toujours un dieu pour envoyer la fille qui allumera mon jour
Attendant la fille qui me fera le sourire comme jamais avant
Sous le ciel bleu...... partout où elle est en ce moment
--->Its in french!

wings tear my body apart at [11:17 AM]

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Saturday, February 25, 2006

And I finally found some time to blog so this entry is going to be quite long...........the exams are finally over!!!~!~!~!~!!! Though I think I won't do very well cos I didn't really study.....damn shit,I feel most heart pain when I think of stats,carelessness cost me greatly......20 marks flushed down the toilet just like that.......can accompany my handphone there already la......

After the stats exams,the group without ash and khai went to chinatown/outram park to eat vegetarian food.......why vegetarian? Because we all know that all year Jek had to always accomodate us so on the final day of the semester we decided to accomodate instead.......and what a wise choice it was cos the food was really excellent!!! Tasted like the real thing man,everything was so good and I couldn't stop eating......really, all of us agreed that North Canteen vegetarian food spoil our image on vegetarian food cos in actual fact it really is damn nice la.........haha,one memorable incident was when Shawn, (who tried to pick up and eat a peanut with his chopsticks in an earlier attempt but failed) succeded on the second attempt. He slowly and carefully used his chopsticks to pick up the peanut, ever so slowly and gingerly moved it near his mouth, put the peanut in his mouth, celebrated by laughing at us for laughing at him earlier.......and out came the peanut from his mouth......ok anyway,after we all walk to clarke quay and sat down to talk......about our classmates and what were our opinions on each of them.......no holds barred.......nice man,but if only it were windier...........such a relaxing end to the semester...........all of them are like the brothers and sisters that I never had......really appreciate each and everyone of you..........

Then yesterday went for job interview at Tampines,not exactly a interview but more of a recruit express thing......actually was looking for the admin data entry job one but because we can only work until 18 april(that's when our school starts again),we couldn't get it,but that guy Bryan said that if any temporary jobs came up he'll call us.......yea,then after that went cycling with darius,shawn,wan yi,lihua at east coast..........well,actually only darius,shawn and me cycled,the girls roller bladed as wan yi wanted to learn......it was really great man,cycling and talking to darius about the more dramatic events in our lives,learnt alot about that guy in quite a short while and I'm sure he also know more about me and why that time I acted in a dangerously mad way........well,what happened to me ain't pleasant,but you can't deny it ain't interesting stuff to the neutral party.........ya, and both of us were really cycling at our own slow pace as compared to shawn who prefers speed and feeling the wind in his face, so he and the girls didn't really join in our conversation........the trip to the hawker centre was realaxing,but the trip back was a really good work out.......cos we only had 1/2 hour to get back to the bicycle rental shop and wan yi couldn't skate very fast yet so in the end she had to cling on to me from behind and I had to cycle her all the way back to the shop.......its not as easy as one might think,especially at the upslopes.........wah,I tell you, at the upslopes my leg muscles really have to work like crazy.......no joke man, somemore my style of cycling is those slack style then I couldn't really get the momentum.....luckily is someone like wan yi who is in her own words "as light as a feather"(a 45kg feather!).......I shudder to think if it was someone like ahmad clinging on.......... shawn who had lihua clinging behind him cycled damn fast...... but guess what? he got there first but lihua fell quite badly.......and though I got there later, both me and wan yi were safe........moral of the story? Slow and steady will win the race!!! Oh and a interesting point to note about yesterday.....I realised shawn and I have the same er........taste? in how to define a girl pretty......cos yesterday, coincedentally, a girl whom I identified as the prettiest girl in my lecture group had a bbq there and we all saw her......shawn who noticed her for the first time also said she was pretty while wan yi and darius both were very firm in saying that no,she wasn't pretty at all........ Lihua had no comments...........she was "blur" as usual and didn't know who we were talking about........hahaha, typical her............

Yea man, the exams are over and the fun has already begun........and its not going to stop soon!!! Later today going to play soccer and after that I'm going to the Arsenal Pub to watch the arsenal game against blackburn with Fareed and Ashraf.......most probably will be drinking........if Arsenal win-->i'll drink to celebrate.........if Arsenal lose-->Drown my sorrows!!! hahahahaha yeah!!! And on monday to wednesday will be our chalet at downtown east, I can't wait for it, I really want to go there and go crazy!!! =D

And 1 last thing........its about the recent Nyp sex scandal thingy...........my only comment would be that the only thing they did right would be to wear protection...........imagine if she got pregnant.....if keep the baby,he/she would be born in shame, if abort, then er............ well either way the baby would have to suffer for the sins of the parents........I don't understand why people don't want to cherish and love themselves......I guess none of us are perfect, and everyone has their own faults and does things they wish they hadn't done...........the only thing for them to do now is first find peace within themselves, look to god for guidance, for forgiveness.......cause only god can free you and cleanse you from all your sins........and once you find peace within yourself and have god close to you, you'll find that facing the world becomes much much easier.............

Ok will end here for now..................

wings tear my body apart at [1:52 PM]

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Sunday, February 19, 2006

Not been updating for awhile cause I have (believe it or not) been studying!!! Yeah and my conclusion is............ACCOUNTING SPECIAL JOURNAL SUCKS!!!!!!!! I just can't get that stupid SJ general ledger in my head. Arghh.......i'm already dreaming of the things to do after the exams and I don't know if I want it to end sooner(so i can start enjoying life) or if I want it to start later(so I can study more!).....I'm starting to regret that during the whole semester,I only did statistics homework and neglected the rest of the subjects. Cause I see the topics for econs and accounts all actually is quite easy to understand but just need practice la......and the worst thing is I haven't even touched the memorising-crap-which-we-won't-use-in-future subject marketing yet......die man.......oh ya and poor jek yew had to get sick during the study week which is quite suay la,of all times to get sick.......sad case,really hope he'll recover in time,he's the 1 person I think really deserve to get distinction in all his subjects,I'll pray for your recovery my friend.....haha,already the BSA he getting distinction liao....... wat bout me? I surprisingly scored A for both excel and powerpoint!!! Hmm, thanks to Jek again for teaching me excel and to darius and ashley and khai who were my partners in powerpoint. Yes I do realise I'm being uncharacteristically modest.....

Anyway, I chose French for my elective followed by Japanese......why French? Cos 1) I find the language elegant 2) French is known as the language of romance 3) I plan to bring my future wife/girlfriend to on of the most romantic places on earth-->Paris And then why choose Japanese for my 2nd choice? I guess I'm influenced by the anime I watch and the comics I read......so far the only Jap word I know is BAKA!! Which basically means Idiot........hahaha, not the best word to know I admit........

Ok its been a long entry, will end of here........
Oh and I certainly enjoyed my valentine's day......=D

Eternity
The dark night sky is lit
The stars shine looking down on all
The heart skips a beat
And gently the rains starts to fall
The past flashes by
Engulfed in the blindness once again
Feeling the fear and the loneliness
Lost and helpless, left with only the pain
All who had forsaken
The dreams shattered
The spirit broken
Like you didn't matter
No real understanding
Deception running deep
Hope running out
Destroying only the weak
Your love turning its back
Despair in your soul
No where to turn
Things all out of control
Crying the night away
Seeing nothing beyond
Living the day in agony
The light seemingly all gone.....
The past remains by itself
The present is to live for
After darkness engulfed your world
You learnt and now know more
Unity, love, hope and strength
God's great and special gift to all
With these in life
You can always stand proud and tall
Tears will fall no more
And finally you can see
Things that light up our way
The sky of eternity.............

wings tear my body apart at [12:48 AM]

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Monday, February 13, 2006

The times that have passed
Its gone and won't come back
Now go on your own way
Its the only way to mend the cracks
Cherish what you have now
The present's not for you to forsake
Cherish all that you will have
Don't ever make the same mistake
Try your best to bear your pain
Cause just like after a storm
You'll appreciate the sun more
For giving us light and keeping us warm
You can find joy in the little things
So free yourself and find peace
And if you open up your mind
You'll see the things that you used to miss
Sooner or later you'll find the reason
To wake up in the morning with a smile
To love each minute of each day
The reason that you've been waiting for all this while
Though a dreamer I may be
And though I'm not always right
Just know my care for you is sincere
Cause it seems like I just regained my sight
Nothing's quite the same between us now
Don't throw all your hopes away
But all these words will have no meaning
If you don't trust me and in what I say.............

wings tear my body apart at [11:15 PM]

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Sunday, February 12, 2006

I have sorted out my thoughts.........
It really is relaxing to walk in night,just feeling the wind blow against your face,listening to some soothing music,then finally sitting down on the grass and looking up into the sky,looking at how the moon lights up the dark night.
I realised that all my life,I've been too rash,too emotional.........though a lot of people say I seldom lose my cool, it's all just extremely good acting on my part......but recently,I've really been showing cracks in my seemingly unpenetratable armor......i've been worried over so many things,exams and another problem.......And as I sat there looking at the moon, I wondered about how little and unsignificant we all really are, and how maybe all of us have been living like we're all that matters in the world........I'm guilty of that......I admit it,I know my mistakes,my faults and I'm not proud of them,all I ask is for forgiveness from those people that I hurt and from God......There are many things I wished I didn't say,many things I wished I didn't do......As I felt the wind in my face,I felt a peace within me which I haven't felt for goodness knows how long......I thought about what has been happening.......I realised it's a misunderstanding and a misinterpretation both on my part ......I guess it was just such a shock to see what I percieved to be my only ray of hope and only ray of light to suddenly break down and crumble like that,and at that point of time,I just felt more lost that ever,cause I knew I couldn't do anything to ease anybody's pain when I myself couldn't help myself and I hated to see the people I care about being hurt badly.....I have had enough of that in my life and I went berserk in my head......I now understand that I shouldn't be so reliant on other people but rather be reliant on God.......I have over the years,walked away from god,sinning my life away.......I should have prayed for guidance at that time,I shouldn't have just taken things in my own hand,shouldn't have used my worthless and useless opinion in that matter........I gazed at the stars,thinking about all of this......I know I haven't sounded so religious before and most of you reading this will be surprised.....but all along i've taken the wrong path and its time to finally take the right path........with god guiding me,he'll be my strength when I'm weak,be my support when I can't stand........I know Jesus will be taking care of me and the people I love,the people I really care about......

I really wish.........that you would turn to god to ease your pain
He eased mine..........
Guess what
It seems to me
I still care.............

I'll no longer spend my time searching for my angel,my queen of hearts
For I have spent too long searching without seeing............

wings tear my body apart at [11:47 PM]

Friends say that they're here for you and that they care.
But only the truth is hidden,and the fake is laid bare.
I wish something bruttle that they knew me.
They don't know the real me and none has ever seen
They have no idea the powerful friendship that I contain.
They always think about them first,God why are people so vain?
I am so small to them, they think and don't say.
If only I was hanging off a cliff...
I would then know who my real friends are.
They see me as a person to use, thus sometimes i'm their friends,
Because I am the "lucky" one that they choose.
If they only knew that I am a true friend,and that I will always stand by them..
Through thick and thin...and I will always be there until the very end.
I love my true friends. You know who you are.
You are the ones that are there for me,you walk a thin rope for me,
No matter how far.
I appreciate ya'll and I always will,
I would do anything for you people..even kill.
And for the others,someday you will know the real me.
And regret taking me for granted now.
You will to get on stage with me, you will try somehow.
But my real friends will be there, right next to me as I sing.
You will be in the back audiance..doing nothing but wishing.
You shouldn't treat me so dumb, this very night.
Because maybe in the future, you could be in my life in full flight.
Until you give me a chance, and show me your love
I will not show you my trust again.
Because you push me away, and do nothing but shove.

Got this from some other blog.........its damn nice la,all the entries are like this......like a song,but describing the feelings and her day........super nice.......there's a melacholic feel to these "poems"......I admire her style, reminds me of my own style.......unfortunately it has been a Long while since it was updated,4 years already.....haha ya,a bit wasted ah I feel.
Anyway today went to study Econs and I tell you,its almost enjoyable to study.......when I concentrate I really concentrate and block out all other thoughts.....and it really takes my mind off a lot of other "depressing" stuff. Well,think I'll complete my econs revision by tomorrow(hopefully :D) and then can go for soccer with ease of mind. Monday will be going to study with the guys and maybe go look for job also. Got the book fair job at expo already,but as that's only a temp job.......still got a lot of time on my hands to kill after that fair to school starting again so hopefully can find another job to occupy my time during the holiday period......so maybe on Monday will be looking for job with Sean and Shawn.....also on monday arrange to go movie with Vanessa,this time I won't pang seh already.......=D hehe,I know who deserves my time...........anyway ya,that's about all.........

wings tear my body apart at [1:24 AM]

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Friday, February 10, 2006

Hold up
Hold on
Don't be scared
You'll never change what's been and gone
May your smile (may your smile)
Shine on (shine on)
Don't be scared (don't be scared)
Your destiny may keep you warm

Chorus:
Cause all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
and be on your way
and stop crying your heart out

Get up (get up)
Come on (come on)
Why're you scared? (I'm not scared)
You'll never change what's been and gone

Chorus(x2)

I'm just one of the stars
That's fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll never see me again
Just take what you need
and be on your way
and stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out (x3)

Oasis-->"Stop crying your heart out"

This will be the last post I'll ever dedicate to you..........
That song's lyrics are what I want to tell you.....and its the last......

And every1,my new motto is "what won't kill me will only make me stronger"
Cool eh? =D
Think I'm going to look at everything thats happening as a learning experience......haha,I always try to look on the bright side of things....keeps me going.....no?
And congrats to Daryl,good Olvl results you scored........ and Vanessa!!! Great results girl! Feel happy for you two......my Olvl results last year can't even smell both of your scores.......hehe, anyway choose your course wisely.....Cya 2 soon......don't worry, I promised to watch the movie with you and I don't lie or break promises!!!=P

wings tear my body apart at [11:50 PM]

I can't see a lane
They make you a pawn in a game for
I am deaf, dumb and blind
After the storm when the magic has gone
Drown in the tears of a mandrake
Pawn in the game, invisible chains
Try to move, you'll feel as they graze
After the storm when the magic has gone
Drown in the tears of a mandrake
Fading away, the final decay
Try to move, break out from your chains

Nicest song from Edguy........ever.............Tears of a Mandrake

I feel Stupid......
I just got knocked out by a sucker punch =P

wings tear my body apart at [2:09 PM]

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Wednesday, February 08, 2006

I'm thought it through......i'm going to let everything take its course, what will happen will happen, I'll just take whatever that'll come to me. Indeed, i'm no longer gonna fight it anymore.....

Anyway,sorry to anyone who i offended or vented my anger on, I know I've not been acting myself.......forgive me plz......i'm just feeling too stressed out and I guess me being who I am,I hated myself inside cause i was feeling so lost and helpless and this is the weakest I ever felt,I dun like seeing my weak side and I don't like anyone seeing it either.......but thats no excuse for me anyway,so once again I apologize.......and I sincerly thank those people who stood by me.......i really really appreciate it a lot........don't worry everybody....i'm swear i'm back to normal now......=P

So anyway,today was the EWS web based report presentation,think our group did quite well.....(mainly because my grp have 2 geniuses;P). After school,went to watch the movie "matchpoint",starring Charlize Theron and I feel that it had a unique ending though there were some really retarded moments of the movie which totally spoilt it. Watched the movie with the guys.....Sean,Lex,Darius,Jek Yew,Ashley......we decided to catch the 4+movie so from 1-4 we had nothing to do. Therefore we went to grassroots club,actually to play pool but it was fully booked. So we all went to play the mini arcade and go bowling. Haha,Sean Poon surprisingly "owned" everyone in bowling and it was "GG" for us.....ok,I'm talking in Sean's language so some of you may not understand. Overall, it was quite a fun day, never felt this cheerful for so long already.....I guess,my decision to let things take its course can really help me greatly......cos tmr I got a VERY big urge to start............STUDYING!!!!!!hahaha,unexpected??? Well,not really,exams are coming.......I'm lazy but i'm also smart,i noe when to start pushing myself......and now is the time........ah not now then when??? Your father call ah??? ok,thats lame,but its just nostalgia man.......today is the last lesson and lecture our class will have together and very hard to hear the stupid bangla prank call again......actually tmr got lessons la,but from the looks of it a lot of ppl not going........so i consider today the last lecture/lesson.

Ok,dats about all............

CheriSh
There's a lot of things
That blinds my sight
But the song that you sing
Makes me feel all right
Like the wind on my face
I'll CheriSh you
You just keep me amazed
With the things that you do
I'll never look back
I'll not look at what's fated
I'll just CheriSh things that I have
And not wallow in hatred
There's a lot to live for
There are reasons to smile
My scars may be still sore
But I'm happy right now
And I'm no longer down
Cause the way to CheriSh
I finally found.......

*I composed this myself......................cos its true for me.................

Man.......i'm a talented genius.......hahahahahahahaha YEAH!!!! ;P

wings tear my body apart at [11:50 PM]

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Monday, February 06, 2006

Basically,the scales have fallen from my eyes.........and this entry is for someone

Vanessa......
I really didn't expect you to be the one there for me.....seriously,it was a huge surprise that you actually came all the way to woodlands just to meet me to find out what's wrong......somehow,since I only met you 3 times through Daryl and though we talk on msn frequently,I never in my wildest dreams would imagine that you would be so concerned.......hahaha,anyway,I hope you enjoyed your lunch and movie treat today.......I really do appreciate you.......thanks a lot for your time,care and concern........=D You cheered me up!

I'm there whenever you needed me........
Where were you when I needed someone?

Enough said

wings tear my body apart at [6:14 PM]

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Sunday, February 05, 2006

There's a chinese saying "hao xin mei hao bao" which directly translates into good heart = no good outcome......Somehow I'm starting to believe in that saying now. I am suddenly troubled and worried about so many things and I realise that for once I need to have someone by my side supporting me,helping me, someone to really care for me and really be here for me and with me.......instead of doing things and solving all my troubles alone..........I hope to seriously find peace now........or someone to share my burden right now to ease my turmoil......

I turn to writing for a temporary way out

The sword of flames
Is plunged in my soul
Yet my heart and spirit
Remains in the cold
I'm tired and lonely
I don't know if I did right
Dark is the path I chose
With no end in my sight
Redemption and devastation
It wasn't that I really meant
My concience is killing
To have broken the law god sent
Will a angel be sent
With love in her heart
My life needs to be mend
Can the angel do the part?

wings tear my body apart at [3:25 PM]

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Saturday, February 04, 2006

My legs are all wobbly now and my a** is aching like crazy........went for cycling at East Coast just now with Lex,Sean,Shawn and Jason.....Wan Yi was supposed to come also but she needed to be home by evening to cook dinner for her uncles and aunts.....oh well,the cycling trip was quite relaxing and relaxation is what I would recommend Wan Yi now so its quite a waste for her not to be there,but to look on the bright side,at least she's finally going to eat some healthy home cooked food.......Anyway,as mentioned earlier the cycling trip was really relaxing but tiring also......I cycled from 630-10+,so its about 3 1/2 hours total cycling give or take......wah,cycling at night is really cool man,the wind from the sea is so refreshing combined with the darkness of the night resulted in a really soothing atmosphere that I found extremely enjoyable........its really great cause my mind now is full of worries and I find that by cycling,I can really think things through. However,the best part of the cycling was when we had to cycle in this extremely dark and secluded place and the only light was the stars and the moon.....at that point I felt really carefree and realised that we're too caught up with the big things to appreciate the smaller things in life which make it worth living. Anyway,after cycling went to eat Mcdonalds(which totally put to waste the cycling work out) and went to coffee bean to drink and talk.....or rather listening to the losing his voice Shawn Tan telling his whole collection of REALLY REALLY retarded jokes......hahaha,I think one of his more retarded jokes will forever be stuck in my mind.........ok,so we left the place at around 2320.....which was a huge mistake....because the last bus for me 966 was at 2331......and by the time i reached the bus stop it was already 12 midnight.....I didn't noe la,that the bloody 966 bus service end so early until I reach there and see the bus schedule.....knn,then in the end have to take taxi back home and call my dad come down pay for me first cos I got not enough money.........$20!!!!!!!!!!!! wtf la,such a freaking waste of money.....oh well,thats about all I guess.....oh ya,1 more thing,when I got home,I found out my paternal grandmother was hospitalised today after suddenly collapsing(something to do with low sugar level)......and yet again,my mind is filled with another worry.........

"im scared~!!!"
I understand its scary
As a friend I'll be there with you
To hopefully be able to comfort you and ease your fear
But the main thing is.....your sister is right
You should go for the checkup
And see if anything needs to be done
The earlier the better
Please.............
A world without you is scarier............

wings tear my body apart at [1:20 AM]

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Wednesday, February 01, 2006

I'm in serious need of sleep,been sleeping extremely late the whole CNY period,mainly due to the fact that my dad has been playing mahjong at my grandma's house all the way into the wee hours of the morning so I had no choice but to stay there and watch them play mahjong or playing PS2 with my cousin or playing with the dog hobbit(aka howney,hooney,a-bi-->he responds to all the names). Ok,nothing much to update really,i'm just not in the mood and can't concentrate well anyway so ciao for now.

And all of a sudden,my mind is filled with worry for Wan Yi...........

All I'm want is to find someone whom I can care for and make happy
Someone who will care for me too
Someone to share my sorrows and joys with
Someone whom I will want to be with in her good times and bad
And when I find that someone,I won't let go of her........

wings tear my body apart at [10:56 PM]

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Click on the nails to navigate

What is the truth
What is reality
What can't be removed
Is that part of humanity
See death in those eyes
As the flame dies
Then suddenly arise
Lingering on forever.....