Its not over till I breathe my last gasp of air

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

I'm tired, very tired.....in every sense of the word. Physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. Oh yes, the projects seem never ending, and in truth be told, it IS never ending. EFMA project, Marketing Mgmt project, Lab 2 presentation, Business Law ICA all next week. And so far I have only completed Lab 2 presentation and have not, touched the other projects at all. Not even a SINGLE group meeting yet for both EFMA and Marketing Mgmt. Guess I'll have to rush through these projects during the weekend and this will translate into stress, not to mention business law(memorise memorise memorise). Thank goodness that next week will be the last week of school before the measly 2 week term break. But hey, I'm going to study as hard as possible for business law and do my best in all the projects.

There is a noticeable difference between foriegners and Asians. Physically that is. After playing soccer 2 weeks in a row with the French foreign exchange students, I have to say that in terms of fitness, us Asians still can't beat them. I mean, it stands to reason, over in France they eat hearty meals, steak, king sized burgers etc. What do we Asians eat? Yong Tau Foo, Chicken rice, "chap chai peng"(mixed veg rice) etc. You do see the difference in what we eat eh? Thats why they grow to be tall and bigger sized(but not fat) without even going to the gym while we have to slog it out to make ourselves look more muscular in order to look bigger sized. Ah well, I'm not quite sure why I'm blogging about this but I'm just a bit sore that I'm being run ragged by them week after week even after trying to improve physically. Hahaha, but its a damn good experience playing soccer with them nonetheless.

Ok going to catch some shut eye now
Au Revoir

I'll fight my demons when I'm ready but it is not now.

wings tear my body apart at [11:59 PM]

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006

I am so tired of doing projects. Projects left,right,centre........not to mention ICAs, I mean this semester everything is rushed like crazy, week after week assignments need to be handed in, work needs to be revised, tutorials need to be done. Everybody is suffering from this avalanche of workload, its stress stress stress everywhere I look. Even I, a first class slacker(who does good quality work on time), am feeling the heat and pressure. Today's EFMA ICA was totally stupid, I forgot the Journal entries for rights share and bonus shares and this in turn will mess up my total shareholders equity figure which equates to 1/2 the test marks gone. Yes, I know this news will be welcomed by some with open arms(right Ashley Gomez Joel?) but it certainly means I have to buck up for this upcoming business finance test on Friday.

With all these stress and pressure to complete all these assignments and projects, the last thing I need to have is you calling me at 2am in the morning to go you up from Orchard because you're dead drunk. I don't want to have you throw up on me, I don't want to have to pay more than 50 bucks for taxi and I definitely DON'T NEED UNGRATEFUL F*** scolding me at 3am in the morning for doing his daughter a favour. I don't want to see someone I care about change for the worse, I don't need to be reminded of my past actions. I have no idea why I complied to the request of me sending you back home, I guess its just in my nature to do anything I can to help someone I still care about, but I wish you will stop taking advantage of the fact. I'm not at your beck and call, I'm not going to be your safety net everytime you get into trouble, because I have suffered emotionally and mentally for correcting your mistake before and once bitten twice shy. This will probably be the last time I help you if you are in self inflicted trouble. I don't want to hear your explanation, I don't want to hear your apologies, I don't want to hear your reasoning. All I want to see is the old you back, the you before all this bullshit started, the you which I used to have feelings for, the you which was decent and caring and with a conscience, the you who knows what's right and what's wrong, the you who had morals. Stop saying I'm comparing you with Vanessa or Jun Rui, both of them are incomparable. Neither was in a relationship with me, unlike you, so why should I compare you with them? Furthermore Jun Rui never had the slightest feelings for me so I don't understand your reasoning to drag her into this.

My dear, you hurt me when you did what you did, I was hurt when I had to do what I did, seeing you reminded me of all the pain. It didn't help that immediately after that I recieved a email which well, was sent with the best of intentions but after reading it, I was torn inside out, I was numb with guilt.

I can't continue entry.......update some other time

wings tear my body apart at [11:12 PM]

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Saturday, May 20, 2006

I am really going to have to put in a bit more effort in my studies this weekend, there's 2 tests(the worst 2,EFMA & Business Finance) coming up and I have to hand in the NE essay this tuesday. Am I stressed? I don't know, a bit maybe.....I'm not the kind of person to stress over too much schoolwork and I'm not going to rush, cause I always believe doing things at your own pace will ensure better quality work. Of course your pace of life musn't be too slow, otherwise you're going to be left behind. However, I always say that I'll study but in the end I'll end up slacking away. I don't know why. Anyway, on thursday, it was a day emotional turmoil for me. Why???? BECAUSE ARSENAL LOST IN THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FINAL!!! Yes, I am extremely disappointed, extremely angry with the referee, extremely disgusted that the better team lost out there. Some might say I'm biased, and I probably am, but still anyone could see that Arsenal were playing with heart and could have buried Barca in dirt never to surface again. But a lousy official spoilt the game, Barca scored a illegitamate goal and thus got the win. Damn, I'm extremely passoniate about the team I support Arsenal and I was so freaking pissed that I couldn't sleep after that and thus had to skip the earlier part of the day of school.

Why am I so concerned?
Cause I will always be.
I will always look out for her....

wings tear my body apart at [12:17 AM]

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Monday, May 15, 2006

Damn, my big toenail on the right leg is on the verge of coming out. Yes, the whole toenail. Well, that's what I get for kicking a soccer ball around in the a small enclosed space which I call home. And to those who wonder if it hurts, the answer is in the affirmitive. But you know what, I'm still going to play soccer tomorrow, and heck it if the whole nail comes out, i'm going to play through the pain.

This week, two events are going to happen which i'm looking out for. Firstly, the CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FINAL!!!!!! And ARSENAL are in it!!!! Wow, i'm so excited, I just can't wait for it to start. Arsenal, the team I have supported all my life vs Barcelona, the team which is playing the most attractive football at the moment. Its going to be tough, its going to be entertaining, its going to be an all out display of the best soccer players on one pitch in the stade de france. Wonderful.......

Next event would be the opening of The Da Vinci Code. Yes, its a great book and I thoroughly enjoyed reading the book. Though there wouldn't be so much kick since I know all the twists and turns in the story already. But I still can't wait to see what the film will be like. Oh ya, did I mention that I find the actress Audrey Tautou acting as Sopie Neveau very pretty??? I mean, eye candy in a movie is always good, there's only so much I can take seeing Tom Hank's face before gouging my eyes out.

Ah well, anyway, these few days I have been bloody stressed over projects especially ICT which I, until only recently, didn't know that it stands for Information Communication Technology. Everything in ICT is totally foriegn to me, or to quote Jun Rui, "Alien language", and up to now, I have no real confidence in what I did for my project. This module totally sucks and I hate it.

wings tear my body apart at [9:47 PM]

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Tuesday, May 09, 2006

It was a eventful monday today. Didn't go to school as I had something important to do, anyway there was only 2 hours of lessons today so i'm not really missing out on much. What I had to do was see a special someone I haven't seen in quite awhile, and today was her special day. Yes, today's was Vanessa birthday. Her 17th birthday and I wanted to be the one who celebrated it with her on this day. I was quite surprised actually when she said ok to my asking her out for a date today. Apparently she finished her classes at 11 today so basically the whole afternoon and evening was mine to entertain her with.

Brought her to eat at my Uncle's Restaurant for dinner. The restaurant was a Thai restaurant. The food was good, tasty, and it was extremely spicy! Haha, I have a rather moderate tolerance to spice but the Thai chefs must really outdid themselves in spoiling us with lots of spices. I mean I was sweating after the 3rd dish was served and thats like................noob.......I can't think of a better expression(and thats kind of sad if you think about it). BUT, Vanessa was totally unaffected by the devilish spiciness and even added some chilli padi!!!!! I mean.....I'm lost for words....I'm put to shame completely........hahaha, and apparently the sight of me "pia-ing" the heat is quite a funny sight because Vanessa laughed real hard and described my look as " red faced, sweating and eyes almost popping out".................

Anyway it was lucky that because the boss of the restaurant is my uncle, I had several privelages like using the VIP room so I could decorate the room beforehand and put her birthday cake(which I had taken almost the whole of Sunday to successfully bake =D). Oh and her present was something not very practical but something which I hope she likes. I bought her this Bouquet of Blue Roses with a Pooh bear holding it(cost a bomb--I'm dead broke) and a bracelet which I made myself. So anyway after dinner I led her to the VIP room for her "surprise".

Well anyway, I'm not going to go so much into details here, just a rather rough summary of the day. I truly hoped she enjoyed herself today. I'm really not myself now, feeling a bit light headed somehow. Haha,will go to sleep for now......

And when I saw her, I wanted to hug her, to kiss her, to embrace her, to hold her and never let her get away from me again......
But I know I can't, cause she's got someone else to hold her now.......

wings tear my body apart at [12:09 AM]

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Sunday, May 07, 2006

Far Away--------Nickelback
This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case theres just one left
Cause you know, you know, you know
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you will be with me and you will never go
Stop breathing if I don"t see you anymore
On my knees, I will ask
Last chance for one last dance
Cause with you, I’d withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I"d give it alI I"d give for us
Give anything but I won"t give up
Cause you know, you know, you know
That I love you I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you will be with me and you will never go
Stop breathing if I don"t see you anymore

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long

But you know, you know, you know
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
"I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing Cause I am not leaving
Hold on to me and never let me go"

Ah......its been a long time since I heard a song with lyrics that speaks the words inside of me. Go download it, its a nice song

Anyway,elections are over, PAP has won as usual and Sembawang Grc has not come under the SDP. Yes, I know I'm a fan of the PAP and seeing as how Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew is a man I respect A LOT. Yeah, he's the one whom we Singaporeans should thank, for he put us on the world map. Maybe some opposition would be good, walkovers might not force the PAP's hand into taking risks and making more improvements in our society, but if you have opposition like Chee Soon Juan, its just hard to take him seriously and vote for him.

PAP---66.6% win------------>666???? The number of the AntiChrist???? The number of the beast??? AHHHHH!!!!!! Something sinister is afoot........be CAREFUL!!!!!

Hahahaha,i'm just crazy, don't mind me.................

Monday is known as black monday
But this monday..........I may just be looking foward to it........=D

wings tear my body apart at [2:01 AM]

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Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Ok,this is really bad. I didn't plan to blog but I have nothing else to do. Why? Because all of a sudden, on May 3rd 0043, my leg went numb so I can't walk at all for now. Damn, I'm hoping its not that serious , I can still feel a bit of my leg but its not enough to enable me to walk. Shit man, I'm never going to push my body to the limit anymore. Playing soccer intensively 4 days in a row can really drain away your energy. Why am I so stupid to play so intensively is because everytime I step onto the soccer field, my mind will only concentrate on the game and everything else goes blank. Its a good way to divert any frustration and sadness you might have. Actually,just exercising would do the trick. Furthurmore you get fitter!! A win-win situation.

Shit it la, I want to go sleep but I can't walk to my room and this really sucks ah. Ahhhhhh...............!!!!! I'm slightly scared actually. I have no idea what is happening to my legs now.

Hmm.......so well, I have nothing to blog about,as you probably found out, my past few days have been filled with soccer all the way. Er......there's no school today.........thank goodness cause i'm really exhausted. No school on Friday either, so basically 1,3,5 is "holiday" this week.

One of my bad habits is latecoming. Yes, I am seldom punctual and I seriously have no idea why. I guess its part of my "arrogant" nature which makes me overconfident all the time so I'm always slowly taking my time to get out of the house, walking at my "own" pace to the MRT and I always think that I'll be on time but in the end I'm always not. Ok, I know my weakness so yea,I'm trying my best to correct it.

I'm not that friendly in my new class and I have no idea why. Its weird that I'm behaving like my alter ego and my attitude towards my classmates is cold and distant. Even Wan Yi and I ain't that close anymore, I'm sort of becoming a real weird loner. I'm always day dreaming or thinking in my mind so I'm not that sociable. And my thoughts are sometimes not that pleasant so it will make me moody and unfriendly.

I don't know why but this seems to be a post about my weakness so ya, I know my weakness and i'll try to change it. Ahahaha, the last time I tried something like that was when I had feelings for JR and it wasn't easy but it was successful. I wonder if I can do it now eh? After all, I had the best motivation to change myself last time but now I have none. Hahaha, ok i'm just going to stop here for now, I'm too tired to continue. I guess I'll just sleep in front of my computer today then.

wings tear my body apart at [12:47 AM]

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Click on the nails to navigate

What is the truth
What is reality
What can't be removed
Is that part of humanity
See death in those eyes
As the flame dies
Then suddenly arise
Lingering on forever.....