Its not over till I breathe my last gasp of air

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

I know I said I wouldn't blog unless I broke Jit leg's or something. Well, relax, I didn't do anything to him........yet. ;)

Ok, the reason why I'm blogging is because I just finished watching the season finale of "Lost", downloaded from the net and transferred most kindly by ahmad "pepe" farid. Its a hell of a finale. If you watch lost, don't miss it. Whatever you do don't miss it.

One line stood out from the show though. "All we really need to survive, is one person who truly loves us. I will wait for you. Always". Its a meaningful line. When I heard it, something in me felt connected to that line. Its true isn't it. We just need 1 person who loves truly loves you to survive, cause even if you're dead, you'll still be alive in that person's heart and soul, as a living memory of the love that person has. When you have that person who loves truly loves you, then you'll know that no matter what, someone out there will be thinking about you, wondering how you are, praying for you to be safe and happy.

I will wait for you. Always.

wings tear my body apart at [1:11 AM]

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Sunday, August 27, 2006

In The Air Tonight - Ryan Star

I'm addicted to this version of the song......way cool...

wings tear my body apart at [12:09 AM]

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Saturday, August 26, 2006

Played a soccer match today against hazwan's team at Singapore Polytechnic. Lost 8-6. I scored 2 goals but missed 2 golden opportunities. Kind of like a bittersweet thing. I miss the easiest of chances to score, while I score the goals which needs much more effort. Actually I felt we could have won the game had we taken our chances(my fault), so I wasn't too disappointed with the game and how we played it. Furthermore, the 2nd half was cut short because of some Archery CCA, just when we found our momentum, so in truth, we will never know what the score would actually be had the game run its full course. Hahaha, words of a sore loser? But words that make sense non?

But it isn't the scoreline that pissed me off. Was the irresponsibility of 2 "players" that were supposed to turn up but then didn't. Jit and Jat. Bloody f***ers, not only did they not turn up for the match, they didn't even have the bloody common courtesy to actually message or call to say they were not coming. And they didn't even message to say sorry for not turning up or anything. Nothing at all from them. At least Chin Hong messaged the night before that he couldn't make it, at least I knew what to expect the next day. I can't wait for Tuesday to come now. If they dare show their faces on the hockey pitch, I'll bloody make sure they go home full of bruises or better yet, a sprained ankle, twisted knee or broken shin. Muahahaha, evil evil evil, pure unadulterated evil person I am. Somemore Jit was supposed to be our goalkeeper, and without him we had no proper goalkeeper, thus conceding far more than we should. Kudos to Zainal and Mao Tat though, they did a cracking job filling those gloves. Angry and really pissed off with them man, luckily Zainal and Mao Tat brought 1 friend each, otherwise we wouldn't even have enough.

Okok, when all is said and done, I really have to say well played to my whole team. Shawn, Ash, Melvin, Benson, Mao Tat, Mao Tat's friend, Zainal, Zainal's friend and of course the player of the game, MYSELF! Hahahaha, just kidding. Seriously though, we make a good team.

I'm going to start work soon. Was thinking of buying several things already, even before my work has even started! This is the sign of a big spendthrift. Only difference is I'm not thinking of buying things for myself but for others. After all I don't need anything else, don't want anything else, so I might as spend it to make people who I care about happier. Only problem is i'm not quite sure as of yet what to buy. Any suggestions?

Ok, going to watch the Arsenal game now. Won't be updating so soon, maybe will update after I finish work on the 17sept. Unless, of course I break Jit and Jat's leg on Tuesday, to which you'll see a celebratory post typed while i'm half drunk from drinking champagne on the aforesaid day. Muahahahahahahaha, keep your fingers crossed people!

wings tear my body apart at [11:10 PM]

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Wednesday, August 23, 2006

What is it that I truly want?
I have no idea.........................

Part of the lyrics to The Dolphin's Cry by Live
The way you're bathed in light
Reminds me of that night
God laid me down into your rose garden of trust
And I was swept away
With nothin' left to say
Some helpless fool
Yeah I was lost in a swoon of peace
You're all I need to find
So when the time is right
Come to me sweetly, come to me
Come to me

Love will lead us, alright
Love will lead us, she will lead us
Can you hear the dolphin's cry?
See the road rise up to meet us
It's in the air we breathe tonight
Love will lead us, she will lead us

Oh yeah, we meet again
It's like we never left
Time in between was just a dream
Did we leave this place?
This crazy fog surrounds me
You wrap your legs around me
All I can do to try and breathe
Let me breathe so that I
So we can go together!

Love is like a shooting star
It don't matter who you are
If you only run for cover, it's just a waste of time

Yeah, I sort of feel this way towards Vanessa.
And the best thing is.......she feels the same

But somehow.........I still am hesistating........still..........stuck in a moment I can't get out of........still stuck with the past....
I can't help myself........I can't control what I feel.

wings tear my body apart at [12:41 AM]

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Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Got myself a job, its the same job that I work at exactly 1 year ago. That is the redemption counter/customer service job at causeway point. However, this time won't be working with Wan Yi as she already got herself another job, but will be working with hazwan, roy, melvin, benson and jason. They went for the interview today, followed them to show them where the office was etc. but I didn't have to be interviewed as I already confirm get the job and they interviewed me last year already. So yeah, will be working from 1-17 sept, if any of you happen to pass by causeway point, do visit me eh........

After the interview, around 11+ in the morning, I went to jog at my favourite jogging place. Now the reason why that place is my favourite jogging place is because its open air, not much buildings and cars so you kind of get fresh air. Furthermore there isn't much people around that area so its a wonderful place to jog, especially at night, when its cooling and the light guiding you is basically the moon and star light scattered with few street lamps. However, when its almost noontime, it is NOT a place to jog. I underestimated the heat of the sun, having been misguided by the cloudiness earlier and the relatively early timing I started(10:45). I had to force myself to cover only 5/6 of the distance I planned to cover before giving up to intense fatigue and heat. And I couldn't even cool down immediately, as I had to walk quite a distance in the blazing sun to the nearest shelter.

Saturday went to watch the opening match of Arsenal at the Arsenal club. Was disappointed with the overall scoreline but what I really loved was the atmosphere. The club was packed, full of Arsenal fans and I think some of them came from london and have attended the live matches before as they knew how the cheers went. It was extremely great to cheer along, the more outstanding ones were "what the fuck, what the hell, what the fucking hell was that"-->(for the opponents), "the linesman's a wanker", there's only one Arsene Wenger etc. And when Arsenal scored the equalizer, the whole place erupted. Everybody jumped out of their seats(Ashraf jumped ON his seat) and started shouting and cheering and wow, the atmosphere was just fantastic. I can't wait for the next time i'll be going back there. And when I have a girlfriend in the future I'm definitely going to convert her to a Arsenal fan and bring her there........

Sometimes I really wish I had mind reading powers to know what other people are actually thinking or feeling. It would really clear up so much of the questions I have. I have a wild imagination and I sometimes think too much into things. Really, they say being creative is good and to let creativity flow. But I think being creative and not being able to control the creativity is one of the worst things that could happen. Its either you get creative thoughts about a particular matter which are very positive or you get creative thoughts about that particular matter which are negative. Either way, its always to the extreme, and either way, you're going to get hurt somehow. If your thoughts about the matter are positive , chances are you'll be severly disappointed when reality comes crashing down. If your thoughts about the matter are negative , you'll only make yourself depressed before you know the truth. Therefore it ain't really good to overthink and imagine things.
This is exactly what I do. Usually I think on the negative side, having been dissapointed severly with the positive too many times and sometimes the negativity really gets to me. But somehow, I always manage to keep myself happy, by immersing myself in things I enjoy, like playing soccer or watching Family Guy clips on metacafe. I need to start taking things as it flows.

And recently, all my dreams when I sleep have always been revolving around someone. Its the first time this has ever happend; that my dreams for 2 whole weeks have all involved a certain person. I have no explanation for it......seriously...........

wings tear my body apart at [1:49 AM]

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Saturday, August 12, 2006

Exams are finally over.
Finally. After the fiasco of business finance, the remaining papers were relatively average, not extremely hard, not easy either.

Damn I'm tired.........
Went for a job "interview" today with hazwan and roy. It was purely a waste of my time. Now I know that if you have to ever go to the Apex building for interview, just forget it. Seems it has a reputation for housing dubious companies. Somemore the "interview" took like 3hrs +......I don't even want to make the effort to describe the whole "interview" here. Coincidentally Zaid later told us that he ever applied for this job before and it was all nonsense when they treat you so nice, cause in the end you'll have to sell electronic mattresses which cost around 2k+. So......

Went to play soccer just now too. I'm lacking stamina and fitness after not playing soccer for nearly 2 weeks due to the exams. Well,now I have nearly 2 months to go train up.

Finally, I predict a boring holiday for me. I have to go get a job to pass the time and earn some extra cash. After all, people like shawn and darius and ashley all still having school so can't go out or play soccer with them everyday. My friends all still having school then I'm like bloody bored la, want to go out go alone also like no fun. Vanessa now also exam period, don't want to disturb her either. Arrgh...............! Bored!

Oh my old phone spoiled 2weeks ago and I lost my whole contact list. Having a poor memory, I have not memorised any phone number at all. It sucks to be unable to contact people because you forgot their number. So do tell me your phone no. again if you see me online msn again or if I see you in person.

What would you follow. Your desire or logic? In other words, follow your heart or your brain.
Its a dilemma everyone will have to face at least once in their life and right now I'm in that kind of dilemma.
Following logic would be the natural choice to the neutral viewer but you cannot count out the impact of your desire and emotions. Yeah, I'm seriously hating this dilemma.

wings tear my body apart at [10:31 PM]

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Sunday, August 06, 2006

I'm still mugging away for the exams. Believe I can do much more mugging than what I'm currently doing. Don't know why but i've lost my self-discipline and my motivation to study. Argh......

Already the business finance paper on Friday is a no-hoper.......I can only hope my overall will pass so I don't need to do the supplementary paper......I f***ing hate Finance, really loathe it like f***........and of all times for the finance teacher to set trick questions they set it at exam time and in the question with the most weightage 35%!!!!! I thought trick questions were meant to be used to differentiate between distinction and A students, NOT F***ING differentiate between failures and passes!!!! Quote of the week has to come from Sean Poon. "Now we all know that finance teachers are sick in the mind". I couldn't agree more........

I met up with Vanessa for dinner last night, thus sacrificing some precious time for my studies and sacrificing going with Hazwan and Ahmad and Zaid to the esplanade for the fireworks(sorry guys). But its a worthwhile sacrifice, ate seoul garden with her at Ang Mo Kio there, really had a very good time with her, talking to her and doing stupid stuff with the food. Hahaha, never had so much fun "cooking" food. Was so very full that we took a walk around Ang Mo Kio to digest our food. Both our tummies were showing after that meal, we didn't bother to conceal it but just let our tummies show......that's how full we were! Then after that sent her home and went back to study abit.

At around midnight walked over to ahmad's house to meet up with them and it was then when I almost got knocked down by a bloody bus. Seriously man, it was green light for the pedestrain at this junction when this half blind f***ed up driver suddenly turn at the junction and kept going instead of waiting for me to cross first. I had to literally run 2 or 3 steps and jump out of the way. The bus just continued on its journey like nothing happen...wtf is that? I almost got run down and he just drive on without even attempting to put on the brakes? Meaning he really didn't see me at all that bastard. Must be sleepy or drunk that ass wipe.

Anyway going to start studying now..............

wings tear my body apart at [1:07 PM]

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Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Studying time!! This past few days have been dedicated to the previously neglected books and notes of all my modules. I hate business finance, really hate studying it. EFMA is still okok, law is lots of memorising, marketing and retail is more into understanding the concepts. However I don't have the overall confidence that i'll do well this time. Don't ask me why, maybe I just know i'm not that well prepared this time. Heh heh heh,actually since when am I ever well prepared?

Played soccer in school today, after studying with Wan Yi at the school library. It was a rather intense match, tensions between the two teams were at a slightly higher level than before. This resulted in a rather unlucky incident where Melvin got injured. From almost halfway across the court I could hear the cracking sound when he clashed into Dan. Really unlucky man he, heard that his injuries to his right leg included a twisted knee, twisted ankle and as the icing on the cake, a fractured toe. All on 1 leg. He'll be out from playing soccer for 3-4 months. Gosh, if I were in his position I'll go crazy. Imagine watching people playing soccer while you have no choice but to sit at home recovering. Hope he has a speedy recovery......

Shawn Tan is quite a one-of-a-kind person. First of all, the thing that got me speechless was his ring tone. Its "earth,fire,wind,water,heart.....go planet!.....captain planet, he's our hero etc...." I mean.....when I heard it I found myself in a rare position of being unable to make a sacarstic comment, or any kind of comment actually. Hahaha, seriously man, where does he get this type of ringtones from. Then we were heading down to mcdonalds to get ice for Melvin's leg and when we got to Mcs, he asked the person for a cup of ice. Yes, just a cup of ice........if I didn't go with him, he would have returned with JUST a cup of ice which is pratically pointless. Somemore when I notified him of the missing plastic bag which he didn't ask from the person at the counter, he can say don't need la, can use the cup and put on his foot. Brilliant eh? I think if he really did that Melvin will fight through the pain and chase after shawn to make him eat his foot or something. And then when I arrived home, he gave me this link through msn, a funnily stupid video about this German boy throwing a HUGT tantrum over a stupid game(includes taking the keyboard and smashing it against the table several time and spewing unlimited vulgarities). It just suddenly occured to me that I have no idea where Shawn gets all these links to the stupidest videos or sound clips(who can forget the bangla prank call). Does he actually take the time to search out these weird things? He is also a self styled "Master Yoda" so to conclude............interesting person, shawn tan is.

Argh.......tomorrow have to study law and what not again. Damn ah, can't wait for the exams to be over........then can really relax ah........

And to all those taking the exams at the same time as me.........all the best in your revision!

SHOW ME HOW TO LIVE!!!

OK will end here

I wonder Vanessa......what's really going on between us?
Is it the start of something new?
Or the rekindling of the old flame?

wings tear my body apart at [1:15 AM]

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Click on the nails to navigate

What is the truth
What is reality
What can't be removed
Is that part of humanity
See death in those eyes
As the flame dies
Then suddenly arise
Lingering on forever.....