Its not over till I breathe my last gasp of air

Saturday, March 25, 2006

I'm super tired. I got a job as a outdoor surveyor. Been working from 1-6 since wednesday. However, had to report to office at 11 am so basically from 10-6 i'm at the outdoor surveyor job. Then after that have to chiong to admiralty to do door to door survey,by the time I reach there will be around 9+ since the outdoor surveyor job does not end at 6 but can end around 7+,so by the time I get back home will be around 11+, a fully day of work and a day of having lots of people telling me to F*** off. Anyway the outdoor surveyor job is fully commisioned based pay,no basic. First day I earned around $70,2nd day around $40,3rd day around $30. So for 3 days I earn around $140. Its a bloody tough job, have to stand out under the sun asking people to help you do 1 extremely short survey, and seeing people shun you like you have SARS isn't really the best boost to the morale. On my feet for 5hours straight walking around in the sun, talking to total strangers and trying to get them to disclose their particulars and answer 2 qns isn't as easy as its sounds. Its tough but guess what, I managed to break the record for having been the first person EVER to sell 30 tickets on my first day(I had no prior experience). The previous record was 14. Hmm......and to think Kai Boon aimed for a lofty target of 60, I only barely reached half that target set(for the record,kai boon did 12). I can frankly tell you, I'm not liking this job one single bit, but yet, I persevere, and overall I did pretty ok for 3 days. I finally have the cash to buy the thing I've wanted to buy for a long time. Thats my main motivation for perservering. Everytime I feel like just giving up, I picture a image in my mind and that image sort of gives me the motivation to continue. But in the end, I quit the job because my cousin daryl called and said the place where he's working(office job $6 ph) got vacancy, if I want confirm will get. So I opted for a more stable income,rather than the comissioned based job. Also, the survey thing really sometimes can exasperate me no end. People will just insist that i'm a liar and that their information will be used for some sort of sales gimmick or something. Well, not that I'm weak not to continue on,just that I got a better offer somewhere else for a job, and after weighing the pros and cons.....I chose the office job. But its a good experience, the outdoor surveyors really thickens your skin, and it exposes you to the nastier side of people, it lets you get used to rejection. I must have gotten rejected like, at least 500 times total?(not an exaggeration). I try to take the positive side in everything now, and anyway since it helped me get the cash for what I want to buy, its good enough. Haha,easy come easy go. I never splurge on myself, I usually spend all my money on others, people I care about. I don't know why, I just don't feel the need to buy better things for myself, I just feel happiest when the people I care for are happy. So indirectly I'm making myself happy.

Rite,anyway.........I'm gonna zzzzzz now............

I suddenly recalled 2 lines from V for Vendetta
Scientist :"Would it be meaningless to apologise?
V : "Never"

And this line has been stuck in my mind for some time
V : "I came not for what you wanted to do, but for what you did."

Meaningful words........indeed they are. I sincerely hope it would never be meaningless to apologise, no matter what the circumstances, cause to the person whom I'm apologising to, I'm sure you can see in my heart, you know my innermost thoughts, you know that I'm truly sorry.

The line that has been stuck in my mind..........what does it truly signify? V said that to the scientist whom he had come to assasinate. The scientist, in all earnestness was trying to help her country, but in the process of doing that, she had no choice but to experiment with human beings with the results of most of her human test subjects dying. So the meaning of what V said is that not every end justifies every means. You are not judged on the reason behind your actions, but by the consequences of your actions. Such a simple sentence, but yet so thought provoking......it is of particular interest to me, as I still struggle to come to terms with something which I had a big part to play in.

Just a final note, those two sentences are related........
My two interpretations of the sentences are also related.........

wings tear my body apart at [1:06 AM]

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What is the truth
What is reality
What can't be removed
Is that part of humanity
See death in those eyes
As the flame dies
Then suddenly arise
Lingering on forever.....