Its not over till I breathe my last gasp of air

Thursday, April 27, 2006

I am getting lazier and lazier. Indeed, 2 weeks into the new semester and I have already skipped a total of around 5 hours of lessons? Hahaha, most of them are morning lessons and even though it starts at 9 instead of 8, I still can't wake up on time. Most lessons still suck, EFMA is killing me badly, business finance looks threatening(and boring), business law is interesting and ICT is not too bad I guess. Surprisingly marketing management and introduction to RTM are the lessons which I look foward to and this is no doubt down to lecturer and tutor of this module, Ms Brenda Lim. She's is by far one of the funniest teachers I have ever come across. This makes her lessons lively and in this way, its easier for me to listen and absorb whatever knowledge she has to impart. Another lesson I enjoyed was the French lesson. Yeah, we had a different tutor from the first tutorial and this tutor was way better. As most of my friends know, I'm always been interested in French (the language of romance) but the first tutor almost annihailated my interst. Thank goodness this week's tutor reinstated my faith in the language.

These few days however, my life has been goverened by soccer. Seriously, I've been training both the physical and technical side of the game and playing soccer regularly in school. The reason being I am involved in a match this saturday morning, playing for my friends's team so I am sort of a guest player and therefore it'll REALLY suck to suck. Heh, not only that, I've been watching Champions League matches in the morning(thus the late coming and usage of " annual leave") and having only a total of 4 hours sleep everyday, which I know is more than enough for some but hardly enough for myself. Ah, but i'm not complaining, afterall, this is called passion, no?

I was talking to Wan Yi on the train today and she brought up what I've been trying to hide and lie to myself all along. I've always told myself that maybe not showing my feelings for Vanessa earlier was the right thing to do as right now she's much happier without me and I'm living my life with no emotional "worries". After all, at that time I used to tell myself that I wasn't ready for a relationship after such a emotional draining episode of my life. I thought that if she were with me, I would severly restrict her,as being slightly paranoid, I would be overprotective. Then I realised, too late, that she filled the space within me with something that warmed me,warmed my body,warmed my spirit,warmed my heart. Whatever emotions of anger or hatred or disappointment and disgust I felt for myself, she somehow managed destroy all of it and gave me back what I lost...........my soul. No kidding, I felt hollow, I was confused, running around in circles, just a empty shell but she pulled me through it all. Yes, its over between us now, but there will always be a part of me, however small it may be, that will wonder what might have been if I had returned her affection earlier.

The important thing is that that chapter of my life is over. I don't know who will come along and sweep my feelings off their feet again, maybe she's in my life now, maybe she's just entered my life.....or maybe not. With a new class, I may just fall for one of my classmates right? Feelings are hard to control no? Hahaha, who knows what the future will bring, and who really wants to find out? Ok,long post so will stop here for now.

Life is a gamble, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.
But you'll never win it all, nor will you lose everything.

wings tear my body apart at [11:26 PM]

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What is the truth
What is reality
What can't be removed
Is that part of humanity
See death in those eyes
As the flame dies
Then suddenly arise
Lingering on forever.....